Break up with self-sabotage
Why do we fear failure so much? Logic and experience tell us that failing forward leads to learning and that is how you grow and develop new ways of thinking that can transform your human experience. But it’s that very humanness that works against us, holding us back from realizing the life we dream about.
What holds us back is not who we are, it’s who we think we are not. When we think we are not a person that is worthy of success, we think thoughts that sound like “they can do it because they are smarter”, “they are more talented than I am”, “their life has been easier than mine” and then we create a belief through these thoughts that we can’t succeed because we aren’t special unicorns like all of those other successful people. So we convince ourselves that we may as well not even try.
One of the many ways we limit trying is by failing ahead of time. Our brain tells us, “Failure is painful and I may not be able to handle that” or “If I’m not a special unicorn then I may as well do something else to avoid that terrible feeling of failure.” These are limiting thoughts that lead us to self-doubt which is often a direct route to self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage can show up in many forms, but three ways that I’ve been noticing lately are the 3 P’s of people-pleasing, procrastination and perfectionism:
People-pleasing leads us toward what we believe other people want, or what they think we should do. With this behavior we are literally putting ourselves and our needs and wants behind those of others. We may think it’s selfish to put ourselves first or do what we want for ourselves, which makes us reticent to prioritize the efforts needed to create something new.
Procrastination is literally putting off the tasks necessary to reach our goals and distracting ourselves with other “important” activities like napping, shopping, eating or watching the latest show on Netflix. Procrastination keeps us stuck, frozen and fearful. Overwhelm and confusion fit in here too, as they are also loops that get us absolutely nowhere near the life of our dreams.
Perfectionism is a sticky wicket because it’s unrealistic and usually unattainable, and can cause us to be highly critical of ourselves. As perfectionists, we are often afraid to put anything imperfect out into the world, including our human selves which are naturally imperfect. So we simply spin around different ideas or manifestations of ideas that ultimately lead to making no contribution at all.
While people-pleasing, procrastination, and perfectionism aren’t the only routes to self-sabotage, they are sneaky side roads that divert us from our goals.
What if we flip the script on these negative actions and create thoughts that support our belief in who we are and what we are capable of achieving? What if we become ok with failure, using it as an opportunity to learn something new and try again? What if we break up with self-sabotage and begin a relationship with self-confidence? What if?